His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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