the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
