So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
