My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
