she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
