screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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