I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
