The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
