spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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