His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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