I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Never underestimate the power of titties
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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