If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
