Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You are a genius and a whore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
