Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
