Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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