what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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