You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
