2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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