where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
