I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
