ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
