all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
