But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Come see our sink grown plant.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
