So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dicks are not precious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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