There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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