even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize