SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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