Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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