I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is the high leading the old right now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He did a backflip because drugs
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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