guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
