don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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