At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
