i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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