All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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