I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
