i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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