Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
