I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
