He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize