Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
