mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
