there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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