you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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