Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
