he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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