kristin has been a bad kristin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry about my life...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
