just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
