The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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