I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
