i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
