I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
