Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
