Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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