Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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