Already got asked if we're dating
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha