she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver