Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed