after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
accomplished twins. life is a go
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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