I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash