I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to cum in my sink.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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