EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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