WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
