Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
