Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
