he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
